Dream

Blog is really something amazing. You won`t know how something that you wrote can touch other people.

A lot of things going on lately, I was forced to think about the future, was forced to admit my limitations, and even if until now I still running after my dream, I start to question myself is this what I really want? A thick mist of confusion people would have to deal with once in a while is surrounding me now.

Then I stumbled to this blog, while looking something for my assignments. Daunsingkong.blogspot.com.

This is a blog of an Indonesian woman who just recently had gone back to Jakarta from living in Tokyo for 5 years (completing master degree and working for about 2 years), she blogs in Indonesian and this particular post caught me :

“I`ve always want to be Ally McBeal. Have a cool job as a lawyer, a sophisticated office downtown with amazingly romantic night view, wearing sleek suits, buy a cup of starbucks before entering the building… every imagination about a cool career woman.

Well, I didn`t end up a lawyer, but what`s written in my business card was enough to put people in awe. Though I wasn`t sure whether they actually understand anything about my profession.

For the last 2 years, I am totally aware that my office is located at one of the hottest spot in Tokyo. Not to mention the night view, even the day view often made me dreamy.

Unfortunately, I don`t go to the office in suits, unless I had a meeting with client. My office let their employees wear casuals, and I found myself more comfortable in ordinary shirts than formal suits anyway. And I never bought starbucks or anything though the 10 minutes walk from the train station to my office includes passing 2 starbucks, 1 tullys, 2 doutor and some other cafes. The thing is, I can`t drink coffee. Even if I drink in the morning, I won`t be able to sleep that night. So I never drink one, or just bring the paper cup for style.

So, for the last 2 years, my lifestyle was close to Ally`s. I`m luckier, since I don`t have any love problem.

But human is basically insatiable… or rather I am insatiable…

I never thought my life as `cool` at all…

Behind my awe-inducing profession, behind that hotspot office, I am aware that I`m just another employee with salary that barely make ends meet for living in this metropolis, and I have to fight laziness every morning, especially when I know that I won`t talk in my mother tongue all day.

Few times I got emails asking how does it feel to work in Japan. For me, the answer is one : hard. Hard because I can`t express my feeling freely since I can`t use my mother tongue, hard because Japanese culture itself won`t let me express my feeling freely, hard because I had to give the best service with super polite language to the clients though they asked for the impossible, and above all : hard because my family is faraway…

A total of 5 years I had lived in Japan. Short, since I still can remember my first day stepping on Narita. Short, but had made me lost a lot of things. I wasn`t there when my youngest brother went to highschool and graduated, when my other brother graduated from college, to be told that my dad had undergone the surgery instead of will, when my mom got posted out of town for years, and when my family mourn together when earthquake shook Yogya…

Almost 6 years I lived in a dream. Ten years before, all of this was just an imagination. Same as everyone who read this blog now and desires to live abroad.

This dream world surely demand a lot of sacrifices…

And now, it`s time for me to go back to the real world…

To my homeland…

To start running after another dream…

And to fill the space that gone all this years, as a daughter, as a sister, as a woman, as a wife…”

Dream is something delusional sometimes. You see it sparkling with every beautiful colors in the world and then you run after it and you catch it and you live it and suddenly it`s a real world, not sparkling anymore. That`s why the most important part of a dream is the process of reaching it, that`s where the happiness lays. And to make your dream come true is another path towards happiness, since that`s when you`re supposed to start running after the next dream.

So I won`t complain, dear God (not in public, I mean).

Ps : Maan, I miss you and I will reply as soon as I`m not dead anymore. I have to go to Jakarta tomorrow, wish me luck! (luck is all I have now, hahahahaha)